...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
