Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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