he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize