Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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