Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
