You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I didn't shave. On purpose
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
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I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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