I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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