my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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Threesome in a minivan. New low
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
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My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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