I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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