I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
