how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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