He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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