Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize