i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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