I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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