i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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