I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize