Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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