I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
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He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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