Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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