Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
