I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
