I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
