I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Found your dick twin last night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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