Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness