I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something