I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity