Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat