People in love make me want to vomit
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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