I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
