I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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