It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dignity is for republicans.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
