if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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