ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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