I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize