i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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