Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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