What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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