i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Randomize
