and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
