Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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