well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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