Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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