you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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