You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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