Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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