kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The cops high fived after they tackled you
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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