You just made me feel so damn special
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
