I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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