So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
