Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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