So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
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What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni