Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey