New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.