Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.