Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.