sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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